How to destroy relationships

My mother-in-law (MIL) recently came to Hong Kong to visit as we have a new member added to the family.

Over dinner, she rattled off in a monologue talking about her stock market investments although she has no idea how it works, the fitness centre she was coaxed to joined, how over-weight she was, how she shouldn’t eat sweet things but can’t control herself, how expensive the personal fitness coaching fees are, how her friends are telling her to sell her apartment to make a quick buck in this bull market, how she bought a minibook computer but have no idea how to use it, and how she lost it within a week. She also lamented about her two dogs who are ill-disciplined and prone to sickness.

I could practically not say a word throughout the entire “conversation” and simply utter, “Uhuh…uhuh…” intermittently.

You see, MIL is retired and she did so before she turned 60.

Every time I see MIL, I am always reminded of two things:

1. What I do not want my retirement to be.

In my opinion, MIL is just surviving. She’s not living at all. Her life is mundane and driven by what other people say. In other words, BORING. In fact, her life has no direction and I suspect this will be the case until the day she is gone.

Is this what life is about? Is this what retirement is about? Work all your life just to get to get to the point of being “purposeless”?

I don’t know about you but I have decided not to ever retire. You see, “RETIRE” means “To get TIRED all over again” to me. No way! Instead, I prefer to “RE-TYRE” myself – This means I would want to “change new tyres” to try news things, see new places, live a new life!

2. How to destroy rapport and relationships with even the people I love.

The quickest way to break rapport with someone is to focus on yourself and talk nothing about yourself.

It is obvious that MIL didn’t care about my family and me at all. All she cared about is herself and she was too busy telling us about her life instead of asking about us.

If you want your relationships to grow, always remember to ask questions and then, listen more than you speak.
You will realize that this principle applies not only to your personal life but to all relationships in your work life and career as well.
This is perhaps one of the reasons why we have 2 ears and only one mouth. Haha…

When Are You Retiring?

When I received my first credit card after landing my first job as
a fresh graduate, it was as if I found my long lost freedom. In the
few months following that, I managed to obtain several other cards
from several other banks. Quite rapidly thereafter, I had
accumulated more credit card debt than I can comfortably repay
fully each month.

This meant that the credit card became a source of unsecured loan
for me and I was paying interests (at 24% pa) on the accummulated
amounts.

In order words, I became a slave of the banks that issued the
credit cards to me and I was working hard each month and repaying
the debt that I owed. It was several years later before I managed
to clear the debts and this will remain a painful lesson for me
whenever I handle money.

The bigger lesson for me from that experience is that I realized
how “middle class” I was. The typical middle class is highly
educated, earns a good salary yet have high expenses and spends a
lot of money on their lifestyle and have little savings. A lot of
the expenses are funded through debt tools like credit cards and
credit lines with high interest rates.

They think they have a lot of “assets” but those really belong to
the banks.

The problem with such a lifestyle is that when the middle class
“retires”, he cannot stop working. Because his only source of
income has been from his monthly salary and if he stops work, he
will not be able to pay his bills.

This means that it is impossible to retire!

So, I assume that you would like to be able to retire. And the next
logical question is: When?

In order to retire earlier rather than later, one of your key life
goals should be to achieve financial freedom. This means that you
have not in a net debt position and can choose to do what you want,
when you want. There is also no need for you to look at the
right-hand column of the menu when you are deciding what to order
in a restaurant. : )

How do you achieve financial freedom?

Here are some quick tips:

1. Cut down on unnecessary monthly expenses.

2. Avoid spending money on “do-thats” like new phone, new clothes,
new bag, new computer unless they are absolutely necessary.

3. Even if you use credit cards to buy stuff, always ensure that
you can repay the bills in full. If not, discipline yourself to
save the amount before buying.

4. Clear your debts and/or lower your interest rate repayments as
soon as possible.

5. Start saving at least 10% of your monthly income. Increase this
amount as your earning ability increases.

6. Your savings should be in a separate bank account which you
don’t touch unless absolutely necessary.

7. Put aside money to buy assets. My definition of an asset is that
it should be something that puts money into my bank account without
me working (otherwise known as passive income) instead of taking
money from it. Some assets that you should consider would be:
Investment funds, fixed deposit, stocks and shares, real estate,
and businesses.

8. Invest in yourself – Get financial education as soon as
possible, as much as possible and for as long as possible!