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Write Me a Reference Letter
Nov 10th
It is graduate school application season and loads of students (that I know of in or from mainland China) are attempting to go overseas for their Master’s degree next September.
Other than the standardized tests like GMAT, TOEFL, GRE, and IELTS, many universities requirement a personal statement and at least 2 reference letters from every applicant.
Over the past 2 weeks, I have been approached (“ambushed” is a better word) by more than 10 students asking me to write them recommendation letters and/or personal statements. And these requests all came with deadlines, “I would like the letter by this weekend and I want 15 copies of it.”
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m always happy to help.
But these students are not doing it right.
First of all, they have not kept in touch since the final exams last semester (which ended in June 2009). For that matter, most of them didn’t even bother to know me or let me know them. So, out of the blue, I get students (yes, I do recognize their faces but…) suddenly appearing in my path or in my email inbox when they have never previously bothered to talk to me.
Secondly, they are outright demanding without being considerate. To ask me to do them a favour today (Tuesday) and give me a deadline of this weekend is presumptuous that I have all the time in the world, just sitting around as their beck-and-call.
Thirdly, they think they are the only ones asking me to help.
As more students approach me with the same request, I get the feeling that I am simply being used. For I know that, after getting what they want, they will once again disappear from my sights and email inbox. And Ethan Pang will only be a distant memory.
They have yet to learn that this world functions on the principle of reciprocity. In the real world, it’ll be very hard for future requests if there are no goodwill or favours returned for the current one.
Do ME a favour
Jun 28th
About a week ago, I received an email from a student who worked
with us as an Intern a year ago. After completing her internship,
she had gone on to pursue a postgraduate degree after her
undergraduate studies.
Now that she has just graduated with her Master’s degree and
seriously looking for a job, she made it clear in her email that
she wanted a reference letter from me. And as if to add a sense of
urgency to the request, she said that she will visit my office that
very afternoon to see me… without making an appointment.
Normally, I would be more than happy to provide our interns with
reference letters. However, in this case, I had several issues:
1. She never remained in contact after completing her internship
with us and I had no idea what she did for the past year;
2. Her internship was done last summer;
3. Her internship performance was poor and I remember almost firing
her;
4. The only reason for her “reappearance” is to get a reference
letter from me. There was no thought of reciprocity.
She did visit our office that afternoon and to her credit, she
brought cookies along. I wasn’t around to see her but promptly
received another email from her thereafter, reminding me of her
request.
I’m sharing this little incident in the hope that you can see how
asking for favours can be done more professionally and with finesse.
First of all, always remain in touch. Send a simple “Hello” email
to update the person you wish to keep in touch with REGULARLY. Do
not disappear for a long time and suddenly reappear only to ask for
favours.
While keeping in touch, be a connector. Connect the person with
resources, whether it is information, news, things, ideas or
people, that will be helpful to him/her.
Be a value-giver instead of a value-taker. Always think about how
you can be helpful to the person FIRST instead of always thinking
about how you can get something from him/her. Avoid the “me, me,
me” mentality.
Whether it is an internship, temporary job, part-time job or
full-time job, always put in your best. Do not hold back. Always be
a solution instead of a problem. Be always a problem-solver.
Perform well and then ask for a reference letter. Excellent
performance will always attractive a better job offer. You will at
least get a glowing reference letter from your supervisor.