The second major fear that causes our performance to stumble and
inhibits our expression, is the fear of rejection. We learn this
when our parents make their love for us conditional upon our
behaviour. If we do what pleases them, they give us love and
approval. If we do something they don’t like, they withdraw their
love and approval-which we interpret as rejection.

As adults, people who grew up with conditional love become
preoccupied with the opinions of others. Many people develop the
Type A personality and behaviour which is characterized by
hostility, distrust and an obsession with performance to some vague
yet high standard. This is typically expressed in the attitude of
“I have to, I have to,” and is associated with the feeling that “I
have to work harder and accomplish more in order to please the
boss.” The boss or whoever it is we are trying to please and win
approval from has become our surrogate parent.

More than 99 percent of adults experience both these fears of
failure and rejection. These two traps cause the feeling of
insecurity arising from the self-talk, “I can’t, but “I have to,”
“I have to,” but “I can’t.”

In order to remove these fears, it is vital to develop character,
courage, and high self-esteem. The opposite of fear is actually
love, particularly self-love and self-respect. When you love and
accept yourself for who you are, you will start to feel the fear
melt away.

Throughout the ages, we have been taught that in order to conquer
fear, we have to do exactly that which we fear. Acting with courage
in a situation which we feel fear is a simple way that will boost
our regard for ourselves to such a point that our fears diminish
and lose their power to affect our behaviour and decisions.

Here are two things you can do to boost your self-esteem and
confidence to overcome your fears.

1. Accept the fact that you can do anything you put your mind to.
You can learn and grow. Tell yourself, “Anything anyone has done
before, I can do it!”, “I can do it! ” when you feel afraid for any
reason.

2. Continually think of yourself as a worthy and important person.
Remember that temporary “failure” is the way you learn how to
succeed.

If your answer to this question is anything other than “NO”, I’d suggest that you make an appointment with a psychiatrist soon. : )

In the long run, we are all dead. What matters is what you are going to do between now and then. And you only have the time between now and the time you end up in the ground. So, what are you going to do about it?

Some of us are afraid of trying new things. Some are afraid of not being accepted by others. Some are afraid of failure. Some constantly need approval from people around them. Yet others are not willing to take risks being afraid of losing out.

What about you?

Is there something that should be done today that you are putting off till tomorrow? Something like asking someone you like out for a date, like going on an adventure, like starting a new business, like changing your course of study, like telling someone dear to you that you love him/her, like taking on a new job that you’ve always wanted to do…
Would you rather have regrets just before you are gone?

You see, all that we have is NOW. It is what you choose to do NOW that will make a difference in your life. The past is gone and you cannot do anything about it. The future is not here and nobody knows about it, and so, there’s nothing you can do about it either, much less worrying about it. What we have within our control is our decisions and actions this very moment.

So, the next time you are worried, nervous about something or are procrastinating about a decision or an action, ask yourself these question:

1. Am I going to live forever?

2. If I have just 3 months more to live, will this matter and what will I decide to do?

3. What really matters to me here?

4. What are my goals?

5. Can I control what other people think? If not, should I then be bothered by what they think?