What controls you?

Have you ever noticed what happens to you when:

You failed an exam or test;

Your girlfriend or boyfriend told you they are breaking up with you;

You were fired from a job;

You were reprimanded by you boss, your teacher or parent;

You were mocked or laughed at;

Did you feel unhappy, sad, down, upset, depressed, disappointed? When you felt such negative emotions, how was your body posture? How was your breathing? Were you looking up or looking down? Was your energy level high or low?

I know that most of you would have felt sad and down when you experienced those not-so-nice situations. And many of you may say that, “Yes, that event caused me to be upset.”

This is a wrong way of thinking which prevents us from becoming all that we can be in our lives!

How you feel at any point in your life is completely up to you and not dependent on anything or anyone! This means that you are the only one who can allow yourself to feel the way you want to feel! Nobody can do that for you. No event or situation can make you feel happy or upset.

Just think about this. If I got a call one day from the lottery office and they told me that you won the first prize but they were not able to get in touch with you and so, had to ask me to inform you. Now, in this situation, I know that you will be very excited and happy WHEN I inform you about the windfall perhaps 3 days later. But the event itself, i.e. your winning the first prize, DID NOT CAUSE you to be happy and excited. If it did, you would have felt excited and happy WHEN IT HAPPENDED and not when I informed you. Your being happy and excited is your very own conscious choice.

The same is true for so-called unhappy events and situations.

I often say this in my classes, “Who are you and what you experience are two very distinct and separate things.” Who you are is unchanging while what you experience can change from moment to moment. The problem with most people is that they mix these 2 notions together. They allow what they experience (failing an exam, not getting a job, being fired, etc.) to become equivalent to who they are (e.g. if they failed an exam it means THEY ARE a failure, etc.) and it is unfortunate that some even go to the extent of killing themselves because they think they are a failure.

No doubt, we must learn from what we experienced so that we can always improve and progress to a higher level. However, we must ALWAYS exercise our freedom of choice to know who we are and DECIDE how we want to feel at all times without letting ourselves to become victims of circumstances.

This is being RESPONSIBLE for ourselves and is the hallmark of a mature adult.